Thoughts You Have Wearing Lipstick

I am doing this new fun thing for a week (and maYBE FOR LIFE) where I actually wear the rainbow of lipsticks I own on a day-to-day basis. Keep in mind I work at an engineering company so if my jeans aren’t ripped and my sweater doesn’t have a Marvel superhero on it, I am the best dressed person in the room. So lipstick is BLOWING these men’s minds. You can see them looking at me and wondering what’s different. It’s amusing.

Obviously, this isn’t me. I wish it was though #FLAWLESS

That being said, there are so many thoughts I have when wearing lipstick and so we’re taking a product-review break to dive into my mind. These are the thoughts that come to me throughout the day – add your own in the comments!

– Getting ready –

“Eyeliner? No liner? I feel naked – I can’t just wear mascara. Eh, eff it – lets go for liner AND muted orange lipstick.”

– Five minutes later –

“Oh, this was a bad idea – I look like a clown. It’s too late. I’ve come too far. Jojo the dancing clown it is!”

– Driving to work –

“Did I apply this wrong? No wonder people get lip fillers – why does my upper lip look like that? Is it always that thin? I FEEL YOU, KYLIE. Crap – I missed the light.”

“It looks like the Joker drank my Starbucks. Or Ronald McDonald. This was a terrible idea.”

– At work –

“I am fierce and powerful. I could kill all of you with a withering stare and a dismissive Devil Wears Prada Miranda-esque ‘that’s all’ if I wanted to.”

“Yikes – why is he looking at me funny?” – discreetly wipes at chin – “Did my lipstick smear? Do I need to fix this? It’s only been an hour. I hate everything.”

– Bathroom break –

“Phew – looks good. No smudging, it set nicely. I can do this. Let’s just reapply and we’re good.”

“WHY DID I REAPPLY? IT WAS PERFECT. Great – let’s start the inner monologue all over again.”

– Lunch –

“I’m going to starve. How can I eat a sandwich AND wear red lipstick?” 

“Fine…I’ll eat a salad.”

“Great, my lipstick is still perfect but I’m unsatisfied with just LEAVES for lunch. I want cheese fries. I bet I could eat cheese fries carefully. You don’t make friends with salad. I am friendless but at least my lips look good.”

– Mid-afternoon –

“How do they get these huge tables into these conference rooms? Is that guy’s suit black or blue? If offices had an office puppy I bet we’d all be more productive. Oh – everyone is looking at me…I think I’m supposed to say something?” 

“What is on my hand? Am I bleeding? OH GOD, I FORGOT I HAVE LIPSTICK ON.”

“Cool – I wonder how long this has been on my chin.”

– Driving home –

“Huh, it still looks good. This is fun. Lipstick is great.”

– Evening –

“HOW do you get this stuff off?? I might as well have eaten a cherry Popsicle. Mmm…I’m hungry.”

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