So You Wanna: the Fake Eyelashes Edition

This week we dive into the fake life with my attempt at applying false eyelashes. I won’t lie, I’m obsessed with checking out celeb makeup styles and they ALWAYS have fakies on, at least that’s a safe assumption since there is just NO way all those idiots were born with lashes that appear to be the former legs of a daddy long legs spider.

Gross. Now I’m thinking about spider leg lashes and I’ve consequently ruined my evening and your day. Sorry.

So You Wanna…apply fake eyelashes!

Guys…do you have ANY idea how many fake eyelash options there are?

Celebrity! Fringe! Mink! Showstopper! And these were just the Sephora brand lashes, I just can’t even imagine the full expanse of the Lash Market and what sort of human gets the honored position of naming different fake lashes.

Now, I have a problem making decisions so I stood in Sephora for at least five minutes staring at the display until I decided to just go with the Celeb style for my first nose dive into the fake world. It felt fitting.

Will these make me an overnight celebrity?

Will these make me an overnight celebrity?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I made sure to ask while checking out that there was glue included because unlike my previous misconceptions, these don’t just magically go from box to eyeball, who knew?

Full disclosure, I admit I’ve worn fakies before but they were yellow glitter and it was Halloween, so I don’t think it counts.

For this little experiment we have some caveats:

a) My before/after/always pictures are straight up APPALLING (it is 9:30 PM and the clock is ticking so my makeup has been removed);

b) One lash (the right one) was applied with NO instruction except “put glue on lash, stick to lid”; and

c) Ol’ leftie got the big time treatment when I actually turned to expert help aka YouTube tutorials.

AND WE’RE OFF!

Before (sans makeup too)

Before (sans makeup)

I’m going to be SHAMEFULLY honest here: I struggled getting the damn lashes out of the package so that about sets the tone for how this little procedure is going to go…

I also feel the need to tell you my background music is a One Direction Pandora station and the song playing whilst I make my first lash attempt continually mentions American Apparel undies and I am struck by the realization I am ooooold because I for sure do not get the appeal of AA. So much neon. So much spandex. The rancid scent of “trying too hard”ness (also known as Axe body spray) wafting about their stores. I don’t get it, but I digress.

I win the battle and manage to get the lashes out of their confining package and discover the little tube of glue is taped to the back and I extract it. There are is precisely TWO one instructions instruction provided with the lashes and that’s written on the glue tube: let it become tacky for 30-60 seconds. Perf, I’ll groove a bit to 5SOS (5 Seconds of Summer, geeeez – get with the times) while waiting for this to happen.

Tackiness achieved! In more ways that one but hush, this is a judgement-free zone.

Err…now what?

I look at the fake lashes. I look at my lashes. Fake. Real. Back. Forth.

Back.

Forth.

Eh, fuck it – I slap those puppies on the lash line and hope for the best.

The glue is kinda on my fingers and I am pressing them into my eyeballs like I’m into touching balls. The dulcet tones of 1D are now serenading me that they’d like One Thing from me – I lose concentration wondering what that is and when I glance back at my face, BOOM:

One lash applied! Still no makeup...obviously.

One lash applied! Still no makeup…obviously.

I’m actually pretty impressed with how easy and how natural(ish) they look. Go me!

I take a timeout to finish some work and eat some dinner (Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked ice cream, I like to think of myself as a health nut).

While serving a number of purposes, including giving me time to finish up work from my big-girl job, I can also do two things: a) See these things will stay on, and

b) Test out what it’s like with extra long layers of lash to see through.

In the beginning, I catch myself blinking and fluttering my lashes like I’m Scarlett O’Hara and I’m trying to take down the evil North and that dastardly Abraham Lincoln through my beauty alone.

I paused for approximately an hour and in that time, I got relatively used to my extra-length lashes and managed to stop blinking like Atlanta was on fire.

Knee-jerk reaction? I’m into ’em.

Leftie, you’re up:

Screen Shot 2014-05-13 at 10.45.52 PM

 

First, can we talk about the one random Obamacare tutorial that pops up?

Second, THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS. Since it’s edging 11 PM, we’re looking for short, sweet, and easy (heh, that’s what she said). I find one with a 3:33 minute long video and the words ‘Easy’ and ‘Beginner’ right there in the title.

DING DING DING, we have a winner.

The only addition the video recommends that I did not figure out myself is to use a pair of tweezers to hold/apply the lashes instead of your grubby fingers and as I get to applying, I sort of agree.

I grabbed the next lash with my tweezers and held them in the center with the edge facing out. From there, a thin layer of glue gets applied directly to the line. I enjoy another 30-60 seconds of tackiness wait time (this respite accompanied by Jesse McCartney and I’m sorta insulted he’s in the One Direction bucket but whatevs).

Something else fun I learned from the tutorials: false lashes should go just above your natural lash line…apparently it’s frowned upon to rip your real lashes out, so wish me well when I remove the first eye that was applied. I may be an immediate convert to falsies.

Taking care to avoid my real lashes, I apply as close as I can to the lash line starting from the center then pressing along the line to ensure the outside corners are smoothly applied. I give them a few seconds to dry and I blink heavily, seeing if they’re going to fall off. They don’t.

I have to say I think my first attempt looks better (keep in mind that I don’t yet know if I’m going to lose my real lashes when I remove these):

I don't do selfies hence I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with my mouth.

I don’t do selfies hence I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with my mouth.

Both look legit. Am I a celebrity yet?!

No?

Ugh, false advertising.

(SO MUCH PUN HERE).

Once both have been applied, I layered on a quick swish and flick of mascara to blend into my own lashes and VOILA, I think I’m a convert to the land of fake lashes. Now I’m going to rip these bad boys off and hope for the best.

Lessons Learned:

  • If I was actually prepping for a night out, I would have needed to apply my eye makeup – with liner included – prior to false application. At first glance, you’d think that would be common sense but I seriously put these on then pondered for five minutes how I would go about applying shadow.
  • Tweezers or fat fingers, either option works. I think it depends on your dexterity with little things.
  • For the love of PETE don’t apply to your real lashes. I still have all of mine but it was a bit touch and go on that first removal.
  • The glue included with the lashes is clear, however one of the videos had a white glue that turned clear as it dried so I’d recommend that as you will not want to apply your mascara until after they dry.
  • When I was removing them, they were on there pretty good so I can confidently say they’d last at least a few hours of party partying, but I cannot yet speak to a full eight hour plus work day. Will update accordingly.

Overall, I am confidently throwing myself into the false lash corner. Sephora carries a line of $10 fakies and I can only imagine how many other options are out there so it’s definitely worth the bang for your buck when you want to up your look for the night or just want to have a day-to-day fancy lash game. I’m excited to try with with full on makeup applied!

 

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